2003.11.04 14.54 girl problems aka a conversation with myself... (livejournal) here's another one for the headlines, "FRANKIE FUCKS UP RELATIONSHIP IN RECORD TIME." really, what has it been now, like 5 days? i don't know what happened. i think i assumed too much. maybe i saw something that wasn't there. maybe she's scared. i walked into that house with expectations. expectations from all that had come before it. the meeting, the trip to see me, the endless phone conversations, the sweet gestures, the baby's, the honey's the, *****-bear's, the internet action. i walked into that house and she was in a bad mood and i thought she would be glad to see me. things got better. as the days progressed, we got closer. we were laughing, smiling, holding hands, and on the eve of what was a terriffic day, something happened. the lines of communication broke. i got too close or i pressured her too much or she realized she just didn't like me, maybe i was just being annoying. as i said, i don't know what happened, but i freaked out and left. things haven't been the same since. i'd like to blame it on the parallels between our relationship and her last. the stories are almost the same. he moved down, moved in and then left. i'd like to think that was the case, then maybe something could be salvaged, but maybe i should take the fact that the last few weeks before i moved down the phone calls slowed down into an almost non-existance as clue? maybe she was being hospitable to be nice? a faint echo of what once was, when in reality she's moved on. feelings for someone new, or maybe someone old? again, i don't know what happened. i've been trying to figure it out for days. i know that i really, really like this girl. so much so, that i can't get past an underlying extreme nervousness. sweaty palms, espn style clumsiness, endless amounts of nonsensical babbling. her mood swings fuck me up and her inability to express what she's feeling in any way add to it. i don't know what's going on, only that she's pushing me away, slowly cutting all ties. now i remember why i haven't been in a real relationship in a while. it brings out this manic craziness in me, this swirling of constant emotion that is so exhilerating and SO FUCKING SCARY at the same time. i really want to be with this girl. even after all this, i think she's fucking beautiful and amazing, and i feel like such an idiot. it doesn't help that i'm new. i'm usually so good at giving advice. really, i could have my own late night radio show, "dr. frank." but when it comes to giving it to myself, it's much more difficult. what would i tell someone who was in my place? well.... calm the fuck down, give her some space and get your new life started. let her think about how she feels. let her adjust to you being around. stop coming up with conspiracy theories. stop being melodramatic. stop freaking the fuck out and chill. if she likes you, she'll come around. she'll find you. in the meantime, be yourself and don't assume ANYTHING. it's been a couple months since the last time you two were in the flesh. it's easy to say things on the phone or on vacation when there aren't any real consequences, but now it's real. you are here and you're not leaving. it's not a fantasy world anymore, it's reality. the best thing you can do is concentrate on you. find a job, find a home, find stability. thanks frankie:) Mood: confused Music: jets to brazil, second song, new album, minus the lying part