Franki Chan Blog

09/07/03 - just one more chance.

2003.09.07  23.24 just one more chance. (from livejOURNAL) i've been spending the last few days by myself (or as much as by myself is possible with my rock club job and my roommate), hating everything and everybody and the last few weeks slowly getting into this state. i've been being more productive. cleaning the house, working on projects, reading, ect... but still, i've been wondering what's been sending me into this state of crabby hermitness. i've been avoiding any and all social interaction. first i thought, "hey, i'm tired of defining my life around 'where's the party at?' every friday and saturday." why not break it up it a bit. it's tuesday, which = woo!woo! why let mon through fri 9 to 5'ers define ourlives? we're punks, right? and i work at a rock club, there is no difference between weekend and weekday. that was my first thought, but i was wrong (even though it's so right). after more deep thought and searching, i think i've finally come up with the explanation: anticipation. anticipation for change, anticipation for the future, moving, new lives, adventures, and most immediately, tammy. i don't know how many of you read my FRANKIE'S CALIFORNIA ADVENTURE UPDATES (or if anyone even reads this thing) on friendster (i know, i know, i shouldn't be cross-pollinating on-line whatevers), but tammy was the girl i met in l.a. she's driving up to visit me, and she'll be here tomorrow. in the past few weeks, since the trip was planned, i've been becoming more and more excited about it. we've been talking on the phone almost everyday. i've toatlly cleared my schedule so i can give her my all while she's here. granted, we only had one really awesome night together in l.a., but some of my greatest loves of my life have taken place in one night. like in 1997, on a tour with operation: cliff clavin. we played in gainesvill, fl with discount. we stayed at ryan from discount's house. one his roommates and i totally hit it off and spent the entire evening riding skateboards through the neighborhood, having a late night breakfast at a diner, getting chased by cops and watching the sunrise while sitting on her rooftop, drawing pictures and listening to fifteen. i think i've talked to her once since then, but i'll always remember that night as one of the perfect punk rock romances. it's one of those rare opportuinies that only comes along once in a blue moon. how often do you automatically connect with someone (beyond some sort of physical attraction)? i find that as i get older, this happens less and less. there's something about being young and not entirely understanding how fucked up the world really is and how fucked up other people can be that makes falling in love so easy, makes fleeting moments seem so special. maybe it's not my age though, maybe i've just been too stagnant. when you're on the road, it's easier for those moments to happen. i think you and whoever else realize that this is it, this is your one chance and you may never get another. where as when your in the same town, living your life, it's easier to see someone else as only a distraction. to get back to what got me off on this tangent, tammy will be here tomorrow. i'm both nervous and excited. we get along better now than we ever did in real life....on the phone. hopefully that'll translate in person. hopefully everything will be awesome. i really like this girl. she's the first in a long while. at least i know we'll always have l.a. Mood: anxious Music: Dalek