Franki Chan Blog


"Leaving Home Again vs. A Hot Dog Championship" It's been such a strange week. You ever hear the phrase, "Be careful what you wish for, because you just might get it?" Well, I feel like I'm going through a little bit of that right now. We've been working our asses off setting up our big SXSW launch party and everything beyond (there's so much more…). We've been working so hard that we, or at least I, haven't noticed anything outside of our little bubble. We'd come up with this grand scheme and up until last week it seemed like everything was gonna fall through, and then 'BAM!' everything worked out (kind of). Just like that (kind of). My first reaction when that kind of stuff happens is, "ok, who's pulling my leg?" I never feel like I deserve anything, but now it's different. I'm beginning to feel like I do and it's a little scary. I've been prone the occasional, but rare egomaniacal bout within whatever inner circle I've been involved with from time to time. Each has left me feeling ashamed and disappointed that I'd stoop to such levels of buffoonery (except in front of my friend KELLEY BROOKS, then it's all in good fun), but at the same time I constantly strive to have enough confidence to pull off all these crazy things. I take a certain amount of pride in knowing I can, but shy away from imposing those feelings on anyone else. I feel like the moment I fully realize my self worth, that'll be the day the struggle is over, and then what? The truth is, I feel more comfortable being the underdog. It's always been those times in my life where I've surpassed my peers when I've become lazy and malcontent. Sometimes becoming restless enough that I'll either subconsciously or intentionally ruin it, just so I can climb my way back up again. I'm a glutton for punishment, one of those fucked up kids who doesn't feel loved unless his daddy is beating the shit out him. I was never the popular kid growing up, but somehow, when I got older, I figured out how to weasel my way into those circles, slowly but surely I've been bringing my friends with me. The one thing that keeps poking at me with my station in life now is that more and more it's becoming painfully obvious that this time is different. The world that I've called my home for so long, the underground, and the world of my dreams, that far reaching goal of being able to buy my mom a ranch with some horses to make up for being such a terrible son all these years, whether or not I want it or not anymore, or whether or not I like the environment it creates, are beginning to clash. Take for example this last week: one day I was in VEGAS playing a BLENDER MAGAZINE/LEVI'S party, with the full treatment, hotels, flights, car service, etc.. all the amenities a superstar DJ like myself requires (j/k, but thanks guys, it was awesome!) and the next day I'm DJing a house party in KOREA TOWN complete with a shitty sound system and a line for the single bathroom, all the while putting the finishing touches on our SXSW bash. Another day I'm hanging out at the CHA CHA with age-old friends from SEATTLE and the next warding off paparazzi cameras while hanging out with an unnamed actress. Dudes, it's weird. In a lot of ways it's just the environment that this city creates. If you strive for something here, and if you actually follow through, as long as you're not a total schmuck, it seems like you can actually do it. Really. It's just a matter of time. It's just as easy to run into a McDONALD's employee here, as it is to, say, run into JULIA ROBERTS at the local market. You just never know. It's the reality LOS ANGELESites live in. It's having that opportunity shoved in your face that makes me so weary of it. Where as, when I first moved here I might have thought, "gimme!" now I reject it. My thoughts are, "Why shouldn't they come to me? I'm awesome." It's that realization that is the most powerful thing, the next step is learning how to deal with it and embrace it, hence where the confidence versus egomaniac argument comes in. I picked up a copy of the new FADER magazine the other day at the magazine stand. There was a big article in there about my hometown of BLOOMINGTON, IN. When I saw it, my first feelings were thoughts of justification. I've been talking up the magic that is that town for years, with little or no reaction. Then, my second reaction was, "oh no." The thought of BLOOMINGTON decomposing from the corruption brought upon by attention and fame makes me nervous and worried for the future. At the same time, it's one of the undiscovered countries that deserve all any and all attention it gets. Imagine walking through the closet and into NARNIA, but if the witch had never existed. That's home and I fully intend on returning someday. I suppose if SEATTLE, OMAHA and ATHENS, to name a few, survived, B-TOWN will too. BLOOMINGTON and SEATTLE are the two places I look back to for approval. Those towns and the people inside of them are the ones who made me who I am, for better or for worse. They're my family. If I'm not making them proud, I'm failing in my mission, whatever that may be, and that's the most frightening thing of all. The last thing I want to do as I stand up and embark on this journey is to look back and not recognize the person I was then, or even worse, the person I've become. I've been lucky enough to make a living out of being myself and standing up for the things I think are cool and believe in. I just hope I never forget what those things are. There is a change coming. The ways of old set up by big business, major labels, corrupt government and corporate movie studios are coming to an end. We're too well informed as people nowadays to sit here and be shoveled shit anymore. DAVID CHAPELLE, PHILIP SEYMORE HOFFMAN and KANYE WEST are all prime examples of people taking the opportunity to speak out and take a stand. Shit, the punks have been doing it for years (among countess others). Whether you're in the system or not, it's our duty to speak out against the injustices and mediocrity produced within. It's our responsibility to the world and to each other. Anyway, I'm curious to see what happens next. I'll do my best not to shoot myself in the foot this time. Come celebrate with us at SXSW, it'll be totally rad. xo