Franki Chan Blog

05/18/04 - the howl on the beast

i think i'm becoming a wolf man. i'm hairy, dark and super skinny now. i've become so busy i barely have time to eat, shave, ect. i kind of like it, but the longer my hair gets, the more it sticks out, the more like a mad scientist i feel and act like. i spend hours upon hours alone in my bedroom, working on projects, building things, thinking, writing, performing one man plays for myself. music blasts at full volume at all hours. at some point, after dark, i creep out of my room, nightly obligations and such. are parties any fun anymore? i've been asking myself that question a lot lately. do i actually enjoy them? am i only there to do 'business'? am i just going through the motions? drink this many drinks. check. make out with girl here. check. climb on table and scream something obnoxious here. check. knock over trashcan. check. you know. i feel like i've partied WAAAY more than most my age, and suddenly i feel like i'm feeling the effects of it. not physically, but intellectually? i feel like the old man at the party. the mature one, with the glazed look in his eyes and a half smile, standing in the corner, predicting incident after incident. here's the thing though, when it's your job to party, can this really be avoided? maybe it's a good thing. to really be successful at this, you can't always be the wild man. there has to come a time where you become more responsible. it's weird, my proffession right now is 'party animal.' it's all i do. i think i've waited my whole life to say that. revelations, revelations. ok, now i think i can make peace with the wolf inside, actually, now i can invite it.